God’s love for you will never change. 

Yes, you’ve heard this many times, but what exactly does that mean, and how does it apply to you? 

Do you still struggle with gaining people’s approval? Many of us struggle with this even without knowing it.

I’ve heard people say this often – “I don’t care what people think of me.” Yet, what they really mean is that they don’t really engage with people and the reason behind that is to avoid their rejection. And avoiding people’s rejection is the same as needing their approval.

So, yes it’s easy to not care about people’s approval when you’re not engaging with them in a meaningful way. But what happens when you have to in a work, church or family setting?

Do you have to put on your “best self” around others and then “relax and just be yourself” when no one’s watching? This has to do with playing our role in order to be approved by others.

Most of us are brought up to behave a certain way in public, in family gatherings and in church. Subconsciously, we’re trained to gain people’s approval by behaving a certain way.

Even as adults we continue to do this at work and with people that we engage with. That’s why we can be very nice toward some and at the same time rude and unforgiving toward others.

Why is it then that we continue to play out our roles by living for people’s approval?

That’s because we’re aware that people will approve of us based on their views and values. How you dress, your personality, title, wealth, knowledge, perceived value, level of engagement, spirituality, and so on comes into play.

The world will view you and approve of you based on it’s value. 

The church might be better but sometimes no different. That’s because it’s made of people – broken people with their own issues and needs.  Even the most spiritual among us have to deal with our own brokenness, sometimes more than others.

It should not surprise us that approval and rejection from people are still based on our human standards and values.  Even the nicest people I’ve met have their own needs and expectations when it comes to engaging with people.

Our human standards often come from our brokenness.  How we were brought up, our education, our environment, and our media exposure shaped our views and how we view people.  Sometimes, these views are so ingrained within us that they become something that we struggle with our entire lives.

That’s why when we deal with the issue of approval, we’re talking about views that have been shaped deeply within us that we cannot simply remove.

Yet, if we live for human approval, we will always be performing for something that we can never live up to. We’ll end up spending our entire lives working hard to be “that person” that our family, church and society approves of.

God’s approval for you is different.  He approves you because you are His. He made you so that He can love you unconditionally.

He knows you, He sees you, and He forgives you over and over again.  He understands your pain and He wants to heal you and give you the power to overcome your struggle.

This is the part where I still find myself struggling.  If God already approves of me, why am I still longing for people’s approval deep inside?  Why do I still fear rejection from others? How do I overcome this constant struggle?

Know my place in God’s kingdom.  This is not something that should be in my head only.  I need to practice this and live it out.  It’s about the secret garden in our lives – this is different for everyone, but we all need that place and time to commune with God and leave out all the voices around us. 

For me, it’s walking and pacing around my backyard.  Spending time in nature away from it all. 

Yes, we will find time for what matters most. Even during days when I think I’m only surviving, I was able to find time to do the things that will help me survive better.

The default is to simple quit, go to my phone and not try anything. But that’s deadly for my soul and for people I love. I’ve to get up and do what I need to do even if it’s just for a minute or two.

Living for approval and rejection will leave me exhausted as a performer.  Whenever I had to deal with resentment and bitterness, I knew it has to do with my insecurities – that part of me where I still need people’s approval.

That’s when I need to step away – into the secret garden. Not to escape from reality or from the demands of life but to chase after and pursue the presence of God through the practice of spiritual disciplines.

Yes, it’s spending a lot of alone time with God and also journeying with others who are on the same path.

Healing can take time. 

This is a journey, a marathon. It can even be a lifelong journey. Forget about instant healing for a moment. Yes, God can heal us instantly.

But for the most part, deep healing will take time and work on our own end. It won’t happen if all we do if scroll our phones.

How do we turn away and focus on God’s voice:

• Turn off and fast from social media. This is one of main time wasters today. But it’s also taking us away from time with God and from the practice of spiritual disciplines.
• Yes, take a break from some circle of friends. Not all friends or community will be helpful in your journey. Some will be distracting or even discouraging. Some will merely instill fear and worry in your life.
• Be around those who will affirm who you are in God’s eyes. Be around those who have been there and can journey with you.
• Yes, it’s ok to turn off church involvement for a season to focus on God’s voice only. What I mean by this is you don’t have to fill up your life with church activities or ministry that you don’t have any time left for God.

Don’t worry about what goes on in other people’s lives.  Just focus on your own relationship with God.

Do you remember when God’s voice spoke into your life?  It’s easy to get lost with so many distractions around us and forget what He said to us. Life can distract you in so many ways from hearing God’s voice.

I don’t mean just reading the bible. You can be reading the bible and not hear from God speak to your heart.

Instead, we must go back to that place where we’ve heard from Him before. Maybe He’s spoken to us when we were at our lowest point, or when we’re going through deep pain and have just lost everything.

Practice what was spoken to you.  Has someone spoken prophetically over your life?  Something they said touched you deeply until today and has changed the course of your life.

What did you do with it?  With time, we move on and we lose track of these prophetic words.

You can keep declaring it over your life and by allowing these words to set you free.

• Be open to His voice and keep following after Him as He opens doors for you.  You have to go through one door at a time.  Each time you follow Him, another door will open.

This is a journey, a marathon; yes, it could be a lifelong journey.  But unlike a real marathon where you eventually run out of energy, this is one where God will keep energizing you as you keep running after Him and His purpose for your life.